Consistently communicating your boundaries shows people that your standards are high. It shows that you treat people equally if you consistently uphold those guidelines. This applies to every area of your life. More and more I see where I need work on my boundaries. The circumstances that I need awareness will appear repeatedly. Reality is saying, Hello…pay attention! When my awareness grows I feel guilt for letting someone take advantage of me or taking advantage of another. Interestingly enough when I confront an individual they usually have no idea what I am talking about. They may even be upset about it but do not know why. They are completely unaware of the need to make a healthy boundary.
Do you have trouble saying no? Or do you say no then are soon pushed into yes? Do you ever feel guilty for saying no to someone?
Nursing clients and family members helped me to find my no. It took me years to stand up tall enough to say no at work. Almost everyday at work I would come in refreshed to sit by the bed of an ill person. When I left, sometimes only couple hours later, I was exhausted, emotional, and aching with pain. I thought that because I did not like my job that is why I was tired. No, not really. I did not have strong enough boundaries to leave my shift healthy, happy and carefree. From client to client I searched around for someone who did not “make me miserable”. Over time the lesson began to take shape. People were not doing this to me, I was letting it happen to myself. I learned it well when I was living on my own with few friends and other support systems. The friends and housemates that may have supported me or took away my burdens were not there. When the prized possessions of the Ego were falling away, my open loving heart and serenity was what was left to value in my life. Maybe I was not losing something but trading it for something better. So, I learned that my personal health was definitely worth defending. I said no and meant it. Guilt, passive aggressiveness, and anger was thrown my way but I knew that I was alone on my own little island. I decided to chase away any hostile takeovers of my life. As a result, I felt safer. Safe enough to welcome others on my own intimate island who respected my safety.
Good boundaries reduce anxiety and depression. Let me think of all the nightmares I have had where someone was chasing me and I ran in my house. I was not fast enough to lock the door. The person pushed and pushed until they came in with out my permission. My life was threatened by this intrusion. The safe house is my boundaries with a lock on the door that says, you can not come in unless I say so. I was already out side my boundaries when I tried to establish one. Even when I ran back in the house, I was not strong enough to stop there will. I would wake up with anxiety that seemed to hang around me all day. My anxiety’s dance partner was depression. My depression was a sense that the world is heavy and draining and getting out of bed is pointless. Practicing Reiki empowered me. A tool that gave me strength in my life to shut the door on the fear and anxiety boogie man. Over time chase dreams only appeared to remind me to up hold my boundaries. One morning I awoke from a dream where I felt like a superhero. I had saved a woman who was being abuse by fitting back. I was starting to say no and really put some power behind my words with actions. Dreams moving from fear and isolation to guidance and empowerment are a incredible marker of personal growth.